Our Stories: Meet Liz Scheier, Author of Never Simple
Liz Scheier, WAED’s media liaison, and author of the new book Never Simple, described by the New York Times as a “powerful, conversational and — above all — honest memoir [that] shakes hard truths out of the family tree.”
This is Our Stories, a new series by We Are Egg Donors, that digs into the real stories behind the volunteers who make our community possible. Today WAED has thousands of members committed to transparency and better standards for egg donors. Get to know WAED’s leadership team.
Enter Liz.
WAED: Tell us about yourself.
Liz: Hi! I'm a 3-time egg donor living in Washington, DC with my husband and two young kids. I work as a product developer for an educational nonprofit, and my memoir NEVER SIMPLE came out in early March from Holt/Macmillan. I have been sitting on the leadership team of WAED since 2017.
WAED: As a mom with young kids, how did you find a way to write a book? Any advice on the creative process?
Liz: I started writing NEVER SIMPLE when I came back from maternity leave with my second child. I had a full-time job and two children under a year and a half old at home; I knew that if I wanted something in my life that wasn't diapers and development sprints, it had to take place during lunchtime, these five hours a week when I had both childcare and free time. So two days a week I went to the gym, and three days a week I wrote. Writing in such short spurts meant it took two years to finish the draft, but I ultimately did finish it, edit it, submit it to an agent, and sell it. When you're trying to get out a first draft, quantity trumps quality every time. I had a daily word goal, and every time I sat down to write, I couldn't get up until I hit that goal. Sometimes they were terrible. Often they were terrible. But they added up and became the rough draft of the book.
WAED: You’ve been on the WAED leadership team for the past five years. What moved you to get involved?
Liz: In the years after my donations, I became increasingly uncomfortable with my decision to donate. With the benefit of hindsight and time I saw ethical issues in the fertility industry’s handling of gamete donation, and was surprised and troubled to see that young donors were often being treated significantly worse than I had been; the increase in the number of willing donors created a “buyer’s market”, and many donors were being asked to put up with poor medical treatment and legal bullying. When journalists wrote wanting to hear the other side of the story, I wanted to make sure they got the full picture. Some donors come out of their donations happy and healthy; many don’t. Both stories need to be heard and understood.
WAED: How did being an egg donor inform your story?
Liz: I really wanted to talk about the complexities of gamete donation. As egg donors, we're told a very pretty story by the fertility industry: we're "angels" giving a "gift", making sacrifices to complete someone's family. But this story only holds together if you never think past the attainment of a successful pregnancy. The voices of donor-conceived people tend to get lost in these conversations. Part of the reason that I regret my donations is that I was denied the opportunity to know my father or his family or my own genetic history, which gave me so much pain; by donating anonymously, I did exactly the same thing to someone else, or potentially many someones. That wasn’t how I thought about it at the time, but knowing what I now know about the experiences of donor-conceived people, my views have changed substantially over the years. The theme of being lied to or deceived about your family is a key one in the book.
WAED: Looking back, what did you wish you had known about egg donation?
Liz: Oh Lord, so many things. I wish I'd known what a toll it would take on my body. I wish I'd known how much I would regret it. I wish I'd known that although my motivation was purely financial - my mother was facing eviction, and I needed money to help - that copays and medication as I tried to recover from the donations would eat up most of that money over the years. I would have marched myself right out of that clinic.
In her debut novel, Liz writes about growing up in 1990s Manhattan with her single mom. “You can still love someone who has caused you a lot of harm.”
WAED: What changes would you like to see in the industry?
An end to anonymous donation. An egg donor's bill of rights including requirements like representation by your own attorney, for cycles to be canceled if dangerous levels of follicles are detected, and so on. A long-term, longitudinal study on egg donor health so that egg donors aren't told that outcomes from a completely different demographic group (older women with preexisting infertility issues, often low ovarian reserve) apply to them.
WAED: What has been part of this community brought to your life?
Liz: WAED has been an extraordinary community and support network. Through this group, I've found the discussions I'd hoped for about the complicated ethical issues in gamete donations, not just the "angel", "gift" narrative of the third-party fertility industry. It has been a pleasure to talk to so many smart, thoughtful people about these interesting and hard questions.
WAED: You’re an absolute diamond of a human. So glad to see the world knows it too. Thanks, Liz, and congratulations on your new book.
Liz: Thanks so much for the kind words! It means so much to me.
Read Never Simple and tell us about it in the comments. And if you’re already in the We Are Egg donors Facebook group, let’s start a book club. Not in there yet? Egg donors can join our FB community here (it’s free).